so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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