im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Define "chronic" masturbator.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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