Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I lost the right to judge tonight
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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