Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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