Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I DEMAND FORESKIN
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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