I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
