We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
areolas are like halos for boobs.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
