Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
