So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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