I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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