Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i just sent this text using only my big toe
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
