Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
