Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
