I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
