Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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