So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
