Non-Jews are for practice
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
