Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
