ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
