i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
a search helicopter?!
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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