So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
