Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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