I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
