Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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