woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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