Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
