Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
