Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
