I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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