Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
