Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
