Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
