so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
