im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
