but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
