I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
and you fell through a lawn chair
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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