I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
