she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
