it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
