He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
They took my balls.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
