My nipple is on Facebook.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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