so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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