Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
