I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
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