Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
