I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
you inspire me to be a worse person
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
