Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
