he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
