I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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