How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
