Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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