So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
